Roller Coaster Emotions

 I never have a been a great fan of roller coasters - I know that they can be thrilling at times, but other times the rapid, constant ups and downs tend to make me nauseous.    My life right now feels like I am stuck on a roller coaster - and my emotions can't seem decide whether they want to be up or down.

 

The previous post talks about the passing of my father-in-law Ross.  3 days after Ross passed away, I took my last two finals of nursing school.

 Whew!  After two very long years, hundreds of hours of studying, gaining 40 pounds from stress, and shedding millions of tears of frustration, I am finally finished with nursing school!  I came out of my tests feeling like a thousand pound weight had been lifted off of my shoulders!  The relief of completing something so difficult is pretty much overwhelming!  Needless to say, I left the school feeling like I could walk on air and I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face.

However, as soon as I got home from school, it was time to get ready to attend Ross's viewing.  

The viewing was very, very nice.  It was so wonderful to see all of the people pay tribute to such a great man.  My emotions were in turmoil.  Should I feel sad at his loss?  Should I be happy that so many people came to pay tribute?  Should I sing songs of joy since I completed nursing school or should I be sad at the inevitable loss of companionship of my classmates?  Should I share tears at the knowledge that it will be a long time before I see Ross again?  Should I be climbing up the hill, or should I be racing down the hill?

One very special event at both the viewing and the funeral was the tribute by the military.  Soldiers from every branch of the service stood guard at both the head and foot of the casket.  My six-year old  great-nephew, Jake was fascinated with the solders from the moment that they walked into the room.  He followed them around, and then decided to take his own self-appointed post at the side of the casket.  This normally rambunctiousness boy, stood perfectly still for most of the night, perfectly mimicking the soldiers.  It was amazing!

 Grandpa Ross is buried right next to BJ in Mantua.

Family picture taken at the funeral.  

I left right from the funeral to drive to Provo to attend BYU Women's Conference.  I have not been able to attend Women's Conference since I started school, and I was really looking forward to it.  

 I went with Cyn, Marilyn, and her sister Lynne.  We met up with Colleen, Courtney, and Loraine.

We had a fabulous time!  We participated in several service projects, and heard many, many wonderful speakers, testimonies, ideas, and spiritual experiences.  By the end of the conference I was absolutely exhausted from the emotional overload I was experiencing.  My roller coaster continued thrusting upward and then racing downward.  But the ride wasn't over yet!

The next day I headed to my office to clear out my desk.  My time of working for the Brigham City Women's Center had come to an end.  I have worked for Dr. Dibble for almost 20 years, and I have absolutely loved it!  During that time I worked in several capacities, receptionist, accounts receivable, collections, medical assistant, Spanish interpreter, office manager and telephone triage.  I learned many, many skills and gained a tremendous amount of knowledge of Women's Health while working in the office, skills and knowledge that I am sure that will benefit me for the rest of my life.
The very best part (and of course the hardest to leave) has been the friendships and almost family-like bonds that have been formed.  My co-workers are truly my best friends.  We have been through so many things together, childbirth, illnesses, deaths of loved ones, heartaches, and extreme joys.  We raised our children together, celebrating their successes and worrying over their trials.  We have shared our inner most thoughts, fears, desires, and even tried to solve the worlds problems together.

We have vacationed and scuba dived together in exotic places in the Caribbean, gambled in Las Vegas, were captivated by the Phantom of the Opera in San Francisco, and braved the rapids in Jackson Hole.

My last day of work encouraged the roller coaster to race at death-defying speeds!  My fabulous friends decorated the office with signs and made my favorite desserts.  They even talked a pharmaceutical rep into bring ribs for lunch!

I am so excited to begin my new career as an RN - but leaving my old career is very, very hard!

Roller coasters can be fun, as long as they don't last very long.  I believe that I am just about ready to have this roller coaster come to a screeching halt so that I can start to get my emotions back on an even plane!
However, I fear that until I pass the NCLEX state board test and land a real RN job, I may be riding this coaster for awhile yet!