The Roller Coaster Continues!

And . . . . the roller coaster continues!  I have been studying like crazy for my NCLEX (state nursing board) exam – anywhere between 4-6 hours per day.  The day before the test I studied for 10 ½ hours!  I was still nervous, but anxious to get it over with.  I studied very hard the day before the test and then planned to relax and take it easy on the day of the test. 

Test day rolled around and I had several great texts and posts wishing me luck and reminding me that prayers had been said on my behalf.  I was so grateful for all of the words of encouragement.  One special post from Marilyn reminded me that many prayers had been said in my behalf, and then she reminded me to listen for those prayers whispering in my ear.  At that moment I had a very tangible feeling of those prayers, I could literally feel their power!  As often happens when touched by the spirit, tears started leaking out of my eyes.  When Kim saw that I was crying he put his arms tenderly around me and asked what was wrong.  When I told him that I was just feeling emotional about all of the love and confidence I was feeling, he seemed very relieved.

A few minutes later, I was following my usual morning routine, which involves checking email accounts and catching up with friends on facebook.  A friend popped up and asked if I had heard the news about the Munns family.  I replied that I had not, and she proceeded to inform me that Royce had been killed in a motorcycle accident late the previous night.  Whoa, what a horrible shock!  I immediately ran into Kim who informed me that he already knew and that he was trying to keep it from me until I had finished my test so that I could concentrate.  What a sweetie!  But, he should have known that I am addicted to the computer, and there was no way he was going to hide it from me.

Up, up, up, the roller coaster climbs, taking me to heights that are seemingly unbearable.  I hold on as tight as I can, trying to control the emotions that I know are about to consume me.  A dear friend was in a freak accident and lost his life, leaving behind his wife – one of my best friends – and four children.  I knew from personal experience the horrific path of grief and pain that the family was embarking upon.  My heart was aching so bad that I could hardly breathe – and yet, I knew that I had to get under control so that I could concentrate on the most important test of my life!

Fortunately, the Lord answered the prayers of so many in my behalf, and I was able to put the tragic accident out of my mind just long enough to take the test.  It was a hard test, and many times I stopped and tried to listen to the whisperings that were promised.  I did not hear any words, but I felt the calm assurance that gave me confidence to apply the logic I had studied to discern the answers.  Sooner than I expected, it was over!  I felt a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.  I wouldn’t know if I passed for two days, but I did know that I had done the best that I could.  The roller coaster momentarily slowed as it topped the hill, and then started racing faster and faster down. 

Joy and relief, a sense of accomplishment, and pure happiness washed over me!  I felt like shouting – “I DID IT!”   I tried not to dance in the parking lot.  All of the long, hard, hours of nursing school were really, really over!  I had made it through the end! 

But wait – how could I celebrate when my good friends were suffering in a way that very few could understand?  Once again conflicting emotions felt as if they would tear me apart!  Extreme happiness and the deepest sorrow, up and down, up and down my roller coaster continues.  

One more emotion needs to be mentioned – and that is of gratitude.  Gratitude for the many prayers in my behalf, gratitude for the many, many prayers that have been offered and will be offered in behalf of the Munns family, gratitude for tender mercies that have been shown me in so many ways and that allow me to help and to service my friends.  Gratitude for the knowledge that I have, that Jesus Christ made it possible for all men to live again, thereby giving us the opportunity to see and be with our family and friends again – that death is just a temporary separation.  And especially gratitude for the blessings that Heavenly Father sends when we have trials, for the spiritual growth that we are given if we choose to accept it. 

Yes, the roller coaster continues – but with the comforting influence of the Holy Ghost – it may be a wild ride, but it will be totally worthwhile.

PS – I did pass the test!  I finally have initials behind my name:  Audrey Olsen, RN